Fresh Heir
Fresh Heir is an episode of Family Guy. Synopsis Chris and Peter get married. Plot TBA Characters Major Roles *Peter Griffin *Lois Griffin *Chris Griffin *Meg Griffin *Stewie Griffin *Brian Griffin *Carter Pewterschmidt *Babs Pewterschmidt Minor Roles *Glenn Quagmire *Joe Swanson *Chris Farley *Chris Brown *Chris Chan *Kevin Swanson (Cameo) *Linda Carter (Mentioned) *Michael Bloomberg (Mentioned) *Will Smith (Mentioned) *Bonnie Swanson (Mentioned via Text) Quotes :Chris: There's a three day weekend coming up and I thought maybe you and I could go fishing, like we've been talking about. :Peter: Aw, sorry, Chris. I can't. I promised a fish we'd do Chrising later. :to Peter "Chrising" with a fish; Peter catches Chris Farley :Peter: Whoa-hoa! I caught a big one! :Fish: A Farley. Nice. Uhp. I got one too. :catches Chris Brown :Fish: Oh my God, it's a Brown! :Peter: Holy cow. Now be careful. Those things punch you if you get too close. Oh. I think I got another one! :catches Chris Chan :Peter: Huh? Well, I've never heard of this before. :Fish: frightened Put it back. :Peter: What? :Fish: Actually, kill it, and then throw it back. :Peter: Why? :Fish: Just do that, and you'll make the Ocean of Chrises a better place. ---- :Meg: So, are you gunna go take care of him, mom? :Lois: I can't go. I've gotta go get my hair very minutely changed and spend the next fourteen hours trying to get people to notice. :to Lois getting her hair very minutely changed and spending the next fourteen hours trying to get people to notice :Lois: Well? :Peter: Lois, move! You're blocking the TV. :Lois: chuckles What do you think? :Peter: I think you're blocking the TV. :Lois: Peter, is there anything you wanna say to me? :Peter: sigh Alright, Amy at work kissed me. It is true that I did not step away, but I did not lean in. However, in my defense, she had recently gotten her hair done differently. ---- :Chris: Sucks about your leg, grandpa. How you been doing? :Carter: Awful, Chris. I can't go outside. I can't sleep. I just have to lie here and wait for my stupid leg to heal. And the worst part about it is I can't have sex. Do you know what it's like to go an entire day without sex? :Chris: sarcastic Yeah, can you imagine 13 years, without sex? :Carter: God, I wish there was a way I could just do it myself. You know, just-just to be done and napping within four minutes. :Chris: smug I think I know something you might like. :lapse to Carter leading back in bed, pleasured :Carter: That ... was ... AMAZING! And Linda Carter wasn't actually here? :Chris: No, that was just in your mind! :Carter: Incredible! Too bad you can only do that once a year. :Chris: Once a year? Grandpa, you can do it more often than that. :Carter: You can!? :Chris: Yeah. You can basically do it, whenever you're not doing something else. :Carter: Cool! Hey, next time I wanna try it with my own hand. ---- :Brian: Look, Carter. I suppose you're entitled to do what you want, but, I'm just saying if it were me, I'd give the money to charity. :Carter: annoyed Oh my God. :Brian: What? I'm serious. :Carter: Sure, you are. :Brian: I am. :Carter: I'm sure. :Brian: I am wha-what's going on here? What are you mad about? :Carter: You're trying to make yourself look good. :Brian: No, I'm not. This is seriously, what I would do. :Carter: Shut up. :Brian: If I had that kind of money- :Carter: sarcastic Hey, everyone. Check out Michael Bloomberg over here. :Brian: Michael Bloomberg? :Carter: What a frickin' philanthropist. :Brian: That's your comparison? :Carter: mocking He's gunna donate all his money to charity. :Brian: Al-Alright, you don't believe me? :Carter: 'Course I don't believe you. I bet you can't even name any charities. :Brian: Sure ... you know. There's the green ... book-g-green book foundation. It- :Carter: The green book foundation. Never heard. :Brian: It-It-It helps the poor ... autistic ... whales, with ... AIDS ... and gun violence ... by protecting them from ... polar bears ... hurricanes ... and pedophiles ... with cancer. :Carter: You are such a fraud. :to a whale, wearing a hat that reads "Please Be Patient I Have Autism" and a red ribbon badge; holding a gun in one hand and a green book in the other; a polar bear is roaring and clawing at him on one side, and on the other side, a pedophile with cancer is in a "Free Candy" van, floating in the water on the other side; above him is a raging hurricane and a flaming meteor shower :Whale: Why won't anybody help us? ---- :Chris: Mumbling while asleep to indicate dream content. ---- :Kevin: No, dad. :Joe: I don't know what normal is anymore. Trivia Deleted Scenes *Backpacking through Europe with a bowl-legged man in short shorts. *Peter's insanity practice. *Peter forming an unspoken bond. *Carter says something about a cart carrying around a bunch of black people. *Babs on veins magazine. *Meg talking about how Carter punched her in one of her "hogans". *Peter checking on his hairless twin. *Lois and Chris talking about farts. *Chris telling Lois not to tell her she loves him in front of his posters. *Lois saying that if Chris killed himself, she'd fabricate stories about him having a mental illness, and then deciding, she could do that. *Chris and Carter ordering two different pizzas and making them race. *Carter and Chris starting a band and getting mad at a band mate for being late. *Peter's hairless twin escaping his shed. *Peter tells Lois that he wants Chris' money, while misusing the word "perk". *A cutaway about "balls-heimers" disease. *Peter coming up with an over complicated handshake. *The director's cut of Mission Impossible 5, with the step stools not edited out. *Peter showing Chris the movie, Meatballs. *Quagmire and Joe watching some kind of television program called "At the Movies with Two Guys Who Watch the Films on their I-Phones". *Peter thinking about a cat playing the tuba. *Peter telling Chris that men and women only got married for all of human history except for the last five months. *Peter making some stupid comment about Will Smith and a pitbull. *Peter telling Chris about the time he had sex with a bear in a wig. *Peter planning a post-wedding Sunday dinner with some guy at a Trattoria. *Chris and Peter fucking around at Peter's Dance Class. *Peter writes his own vow. *The bear that tricked Peter shows up again. *Stewie says that the photographer is obsessed with him. Category:Episodes Category:Season 12 Category:Peter Episodes Category:Chris Episodes Category:Carter Episodes Category:Controversial Episodes Category:LGBT Episodes Category:Poorly-Received Episodes